I will never forget the day I first learned to mother myself in a way that filled in the gaps I thought I had in the mothering I received during my upbringing. At that moment, I was longing to be held in an embrace of gleaming unconditional love. A mentor at the time invited me to do this for myself and I had a vision of my young self being held in a glowing embrace that I was holding for her. Ahhhhh! Such relief I felt after so many years of harsh criticism and perfectionism.
That moment planted a seed of unconditional love for me that began to sprout and grow in the rich compost of all of the 20 years of healing and releasing I had done prior. This was not the first time I had engaged with my inner child in a healing way but it was the first time I had encountered the idea that I could give myself what I thought I had missed out on.
Since then, I have realized that my mother had given me an abundance of unconditional love, but in the shadow of her shame and the perfectionist legacy of other members of my family, I had not been able to feel it. As I have continued this practice of giving myself that which I thought I missed out on, its presence in my life has grown exponentially. My mother has become one of the most unconditionally loving person I have ever met. How did I miss that before? And my husband keeps offering me more unconditional love than I ever thought possible. It turns out I was holding all of that criticism and perfectionism inside myself and as I practiced giving unconditional love to myself, I became more and more able to see where it was coming towards me in others.
Now, I am surrounded with friends, family, and support people who keep gleaming this love towards me, so much so that I must diligently compost any remaining hyper critical and perfectionist patterns that rise to the surface of my inner garden. It feels as though these residues from my childhood and ancestry are clamouring to become nourishing soil for this magnificent tree of life giving, nourishing, unconditional love that now towers high above and roots deep below my ground of being, surrounding me with flourishing branches full of nourishing fruit. It is hard to believe I am describing this very real experience I am having as part of me is still expecting to starve again.
I am inspired to be diving into the next phase of the Bio-Mystical Womb Apprenticeship program, Re-Mothering, for a month of practices to nourish my tree of love as well as my fellow apprentices. Let me know in the comments if you might like to join us.
Sama Morningstar is the founder of the Womb Centered Healing Temple. She is currently administering the second round of the 13 Month Bio-Mystical Womb Apprenticeship program that she felt guided to create out of her 25 years of experience as a holistic health and wellness practitioner. She will be hosting and Introductory Re-Mothering Ceremony on February 5th, 2021. You can sign up here:
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